Inflight Humor

Inflight Humor

All   too rarely,   airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining.
I have heard of these examples. I wonder if these are true!
On a Continental Flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said:
“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”
“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling.
Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before a*sisting with theirs.
If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”
“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”
Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing:
“We ask   you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced;
“Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”
We’re now preparing to land at San Francisco International Airport. Kindly straighten up your seats, turn off all electronic gadgets, pull up your window shades and buckle up for safety.
We hope you enjoyed flying with us as much as we did.
Sa wikang atin po, tayo po ay papalapag na sa paliparang pangkalawakang internasyonal ng San Francisco.
Paalala po lamang sa ating mga kababayan:
— ang mga unan, kumot, headset at iba pang kagamitan sa eroplano ay di po kasama sa pasalubong. Huwag po lamang baklasin ang LCD-TV na nakadikit sa silya.

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