The Contest! (Very Long, Very Adult) Joke

The Contest! (Very Long, Very Adult) Joke

Contest: Beer vs. P***yA beer is always wet. A p***y needs encouragement. Advantage: Beer.A beer tastes horrible served hot. A p***y tastes better served hot. Advantage: P***y.Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice cold p***y makes you married. Advantage: Beer.Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones. P***y does not. Advantage: Draw.If you get a hair in your teeth consuming p***y, you are not disgusted. Advantage: P***y24 beers come in a box. A p***y is a box you can come in. Advantage: P***y.Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer. Advantage: P***y.If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible. Advantage: Beer.If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may get mad. If you come home smelling like p***y – you’re dead. Advantage: Beer.6 beers in a night and you better not drive. 6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need. Advantage: P***yToo much beer and you get fat. Toom much p***y and it makes you poor. Advantage: DrawIt is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game. You are a legend if you have a p***y in the stands at a football game. Advantage: P***yIf a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer. If a cop smells p***y on your breath, you are going to get a high five! Advantage: P***yWith beer, bigger is better. Advantage: beer.If you think all day about the next p***y you will have, you are normal. If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic. Advantage: P***yPeeling labels off of beers is fun. Peeling panties off of p***y is more fun. Advantage: P***yIf you suddenly drop a beer, it may break. If you suddenly drop a p***y, it may hunt you down like the dog you are. Advantage: Beer.If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back. Advantage: beer.The best p***y you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it. Advantage: P***y.The worst p***y you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it. Advantage: Beer.Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill. Bad p***y: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright, Dana Doran Advantage: DrawGood beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, New Castle. Good p***y: Almost all but the above. Advantage: P***y.The government taxes beer. Advantage: P***y.It’s a close call, but the numbers never lie. Advantage: P***y.

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Health Benefits of Laughter

You may have heard that laughter is the best medicine. However, have you ever thought about it or not? Well, laughing and smiling are infectious. Looking at someone and exchanging a smile can make you reciprocate naturally, despite having a rough day. While only a few people out there know the fact that laughter is good for your health. It doesn't only make you feel good but can be a good cure for the blues.

Top 10 health benefits of laughter

To bring more laughter into your life, let's have a look at the key health benefits of laughter below.

1. Tone muscles and burn calories

Healthy laughter can help in burning calories. Even more, laughter also acts as a cheat sheet when it comes to getting a toned stomach. Most importantly, laughing for 10 to 15 minutes can let you burn up to 40 calories. It means watching a 90-minute comic movie can help you to burn up to 240 calories with ease.

2. Reduce anxiety and depression

Laughter can let you relax your entire body. Even more, it can bring tons of benefits to your mental health as well. A good laughter time will not only let you have some joy, but it can also let you relive the feelings of stress, fear, and depression effectively. Laughing can also improve your mood and bring optimistic, positive feelings with ease.

3. Let you sleep sound

Is the last show you watched before sleep is from a comic genre? Then, you have higher chances of getting a peaceful sleep. It is because laughter's good bout before sleeping can reduce anxiety. It can also relax your muscles and help you to have a better sleep quality with ease. It is important after spending a long and hectic day.

4. Improve blood circulation and flow

University of Maryland researchers have found that laughter can improve your blood vessels' health. It can boost their function and cause your blood vessels to expand and dilate. This situation will play a vital role in improving your blood flow and circulation effectively. So, overall, laughter is important to maintain the best level of endothelium.

5. Boost immune system

Laughter can increase antibody-producing cells in your body. It can also enhance T-cells' effectiveness. Consequently, this will reduce the risks of getting cough and the common cold. As it can help improve the immune system, the strong immune system will ultimately keep the infections and allergies at bay. Even more, laughter can reduce negative thoughts that can impact your immune system. Due to this, a happier person is capable of fighting diseases more than others. It is because he is always in the right mind frame, and his immune system will be in a stress-free zone. Consequently, it will improve your overall health.

6. Enhanced respiration

Have you felt a sense of relief and relaxation after laughter? It is because laughing involves deep exhalation. It will, in return, lower your blood pressure and lead you to a calmer state. Like deep breathing, laughing can also offer you a cleansing effect that is beneficial for respiratory ailments.

7. Ease physical pain

Have you ever thought about how laughter can aid in easing your pain? Well, when you laugh, your muscles move. This muscle movement will expand your blood vessels and send more blood to parts of your body. Even more, the breathing rate also increases and oxygen level in your blood, therefore. So, healthy laughter is always the best way to ease pain naturally and effortlessly.

8. Improve memory recall

Scientists at the Loma Linda University have found that laughter can improve learning and memory. It can also reduce cortisol levels as well in your body. Cortisol is a stress hormone that can impact your mind and body negatively. However, laughter can counteract these effects with ease.

9. Protect your heart health

A good laugh can do wonders to improve blood circulation and flow in your body. Even more, it impacts oxygenation as well positively. Also, laughing can boost your heart rate and oxygen consumption immediately and effortlessly. Consequently, this can help in reducing cardiovascular diseases, improving heart health and respiration system.

10. Work as a stress buster.

With every laugh, your face features send a signal to the brain. This signal will help in relieving the endorphins. It will act as a pain killer, reduce stress, and make you feel happy.

Overall, laughter therapy is highly effective in enjoying various health benefits in life. Make sure to have it daily.