Excerpts from Readers’s Digest. ——————————————————————————– My 4 year old son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he’d dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, “We better throw this one out too then, ’cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago. ——————————————————————————– On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.” ——————————————————————————– A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?” ——————————————————————————– A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m just wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk!” ——————————————————————————– A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”. The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”. ——————————————————————————– The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘that’s Michael. He’s a doctor.'” A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher. She’s dead.” ——————————————————————————– A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, cla*s, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.” “Yes,” the cla*s said. “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary positions the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” A little fellow shouted, “Because your feet aren’t empty.” ——————————————————————————– The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all You want. God is watching the apples!” ——————————————————————————– A kindergarden teacher at age 30 was talking to the children seated on the floor around her, absentmindedly she removed her gla*ses to clean them. “Wow, Miss Collins!” one child exclaimed. “You look really different without your gla*ses on !” Another child piped up, “I bet she looks different when she takes her teeth out, too!”
Tag: Miscellaneous Jokes
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