America Offline Joke

America Offline Joke

English Jokes 2023

[To the tune of “American Pie”] A long, long, time ago I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines. And I knew if I had the chance They could make my modem dance with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines. But Help Desk phone calls made me shiver with every busy they’d deliver. Bad news on the front page A 19-hour outrage. I can’t remember if I cried when I realized that Steve Case had lied. But something touched me deep inside The day the service died. So bye bye to Amer’ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it’s working just fine. And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this’ll be the day that they die. This’ll be the day that they die. Did you write the book of TOS Will you send your pa*sword to PWD-BOSS If an IM tells you so. And will you believe the Motley Fool When he tells you that the service rules And can you teach me how to Web real slow? Well I know you sold the service short Cause I saw your quarterly report. Steve Case sold off his stock It fell just like a rock. It was a crazy, costly high-tech play As they slashed away at what subscribers pay And half their users went away the day the service died. So bye bye to Amer’ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it’s working just fine And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this’ll be the day that they die. This’ll be the day that they die. Well for two days we’ve been on our own And dial-ins click on a rolling phone But that’s not how it used to be When the mogul came to Virginia court With an OS icon and a browser port And a desktop that looked like Apple III. And while Jim Clark was looking down The mogul stole his thorny crown The browser war was turned. Mozilla…was spurned. And while Steve left users out to bond With hosts unable to respond 6 million newbies all were conned the day the service died. So bye bye to Amer’ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it’s working just fine And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this’ll be the day that they die. This’ll be the day that they die. Da Chronic ducked their software guards And stole a million credit cards To use accounts he’d gotten free And so Steve Case went to the FBI and he told Boardwatch a little lie That hackers wanted child p**nography But while Steve Case was looking down The hackers pulled his e-mail down They put it on the net. He can’t be trusted yet! And while user cynicism climbs At sign-on ads and welcome rhymes They scan their e-mail for “Good Times” the day the service died. So bye bye to Amer’ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it’s working just fine And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this’ll be the day that they die. This’ll be the day that they die. Helter-skelter billing needs a melter The lawyers filed a cla*s-action shelter Eight million in lawyer’s fees. But it looks like some attorney jibe an hour if they resubscribe. To a service marketed for free Well I KNOW you’re raking in the bucks Cause I’m reading alt.aol-sucks. “Until we bless the suit The settlement is moot.” “If AOL treats you like the Borg Then visit aolsucks.org Before some router pulls the cord…” the day the service died. So bye bye to Amer’ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it’s working just fine And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this’ll be the day that they die. This’ll be the day that they die. Bill Razzouk, the head-to-be sold off his home in Tennessee And headed for a 4-month end. Was he sad or just incensed when Case offered him his thirty cents. Billing is the devil’s only friend. But as I read him on the page My hands were clenched in fists of rage. No “Welcome” born in hell could ring that c******m bell. And as chat freaks cried into the night CompuServe read their last rites. I saw Earthlink laughing with delight the day the service died. So bye bye to Amer’ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it’s working just fine And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this’ll be the day that they die. This’ll be the day that they die. I met a girl in Lobby 9 And I asked her if she’d stay on-line. But she just frowned and looked away. And I went back to the Member Lounge To see what loyalty I could scrounge But Room Host said the members went away… And on the net the modems scream At faster speeds and data streams. And not a tear was spoken. The hourly fees were broken. And the three men that I hated most Ted, and Steve, and Razzouk’s ghost They couldn’t dial up the host The day the service died.

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Health Benefits of Laughter

You may have heard that laughter is the best medicine. However, have you ever thought about it or not? Well, laughing and smiling are infectious. Looking at someone and exchanging a smile can make you reciprocate naturally, despite having a rough day. While only a few people out there know the fact that laughter is good for your health. It doesn't only make you feel good but can be a good cure for the blues.

Top 10 health benefits of laughter

To bring more laughter into your life, let's have a look at the key health benefits of laughter below.

1. Tone muscles and burn calories

Healthy laughter can help in burning calories. Even more, laughter also acts as a cheat sheet when it comes to getting a toned stomach. Most importantly, laughing for 10 to 15 minutes can let you burn up to 40 calories. It means watching a 90-minute comic movie can help you to burn up to 240 calories with ease.

2. Reduce anxiety and depression

Laughter can let you relax your entire body. Even more, it can bring tons of benefits to your mental health as well. A good laughter time will not only let you have some joy, but it can also let you relive the feelings of stress, fear, and depression effectively. Laughing can also improve your mood and bring optimistic, positive feelings with ease.

3. Let you sleep sound

Is the last show you watched before sleep is from a comic genre? Then, you have higher chances of getting a peaceful sleep. It is because laughter's good bout before sleeping can reduce anxiety. It can also relax your muscles and help you to have a better sleep quality with ease. It is important after spending a long and hectic day.

4. Improve blood circulation and flow

University of Maryland researchers have found that laughter can improve your blood vessels' health. It can boost their function and cause your blood vessels to expand and dilate. This situation will play a vital role in improving your blood flow and circulation effectively. So, overall, laughter is important to maintain the best level of endothelium.

5. Boost immune system

Laughter can increase antibody-producing cells in your body. It can also enhance T-cells' effectiveness. Consequently, this will reduce the risks of getting cough and the common cold. As it can help improve the immune system, the strong immune system will ultimately keep the infections and allergies at bay. Even more, laughter can reduce negative thoughts that can impact your immune system. Due to this, a happier person is capable of fighting diseases more than others. It is because he is always in the right mind frame, and his immune system will be in a stress-free zone. Consequently, it will improve your overall health.

6. Enhanced respiration

Have you felt a sense of relief and relaxation after laughter? It is because laughing involves deep exhalation. It will, in return, lower your blood pressure and lead you to a calmer state. Like deep breathing, laughing can also offer you a cleansing effect that is beneficial for respiratory ailments.

7. Ease physical pain

Have you ever thought about how laughter can aid in easing your pain? Well, when you laugh, your muscles move. This muscle movement will expand your blood vessels and send more blood to parts of your body. Even more, the breathing rate also increases and oxygen level in your blood, therefore. So, healthy laughter is always the best way to ease pain naturally and effortlessly.

8. Improve memory recall

Scientists at the Loma Linda University have found that laughter can improve learning and memory. It can also reduce cortisol levels as well in your body. Cortisol is a stress hormone that can impact your mind and body negatively. However, laughter can counteract these effects with ease.

9. Protect your heart health

A good laugh can do wonders to improve blood circulation and flow in your body. Even more, it impacts oxygenation as well positively. Also, laughing can boost your heart rate and oxygen consumption immediately and effortlessly. Consequently, this can help in reducing cardiovascular diseases, improving heart health and respiration system.

10. Work as a stress buster.

With every laugh, your face features send a signal to the brain. This signal will help in relieving the endorphins. It will act as a pain killer, reduce stress, and make you feel happy.

Overall, laughter therapy is highly effective in enjoying various health benefits in life. Make sure to have it daily.

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