I was talking to my chinese friend the other day, and for some reason he likes to set everyone up on dates. he said-
'ah, i know very good girl, very successful, she sell farms.'
why on earth would I ...
I said to my son, "What did you do at school today?"
He said, "We learnt about all the capitals."
"How many do you know?" I asked.
He said, "All of them."
I said, "All of them, are you sure?"
He said,...
I said to one of my dinner guests, "What do you think to the horseradish sauce?"
He said, "It certainly tastes unique. Did you make it yourself?"
I said, "I did... I got the radishes from Asda. The ho...
It's amazing how many new words you learn every day. I heard one today.
Chuggers: charity-muggers. The people in the street who try and steal your credit card details on behalf of disabled kids in Af...
A customer at the Tesco's fresh fish counter marvelled at the
fishmonger's quick wit and intelligence.
"Tell me, Fishmonger, what makes you so brainy?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone,...
I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity. On our first day of training, the instructor made an important point about preparing for landing at 300 feet.
"How do you know when you'...
I lost my job at the teddy bear factory today. They said I lied about my previous experience on my CV.
"I did not lie," I raged, "You just misunderstood. I really did spend 6 months working as a Fluff...
I recently carried out an armed robbery at my local post office and got away with a substantial amount of cash. Unfortunately I left behind a handfull of 2p and 1p pieces which had traces of my DNA on...
I went duck shooting today.
I spotted a duck swimming along and quickly took my aim, and just as I was about to pull the trigger I looked behind it and noticed six cute little ducklings swimming behi...
My wife told me if she ever won the Lottery she wouldn't give me a penny and she'd move out of the country.
Little does she know I've been using the same numbers as her for 5 years.
That'll wipe the ...
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