Wedding Toasts 4 Joke

Wedding Toasts 4 Joke


I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund.I want a husband who is decent, God-fearing, well-educated, smart, sincere, respectful, treats me as an equal, has a great body, and has the same interests in life as me. Now I don’t think that’s too much to ask of a billionaire, do you?I was engaged myself once. To a contortionist. But she broke it off.If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.John, you know I can’t marry you. You are an accountant. I prefer a man who builds things, who makes things, like an engineer who…makes half-a-million dollars a year…Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward.Life’s a bitch, and then you marry one.Life sucks…and then you marry someone who doesn’t!Look the bride in the eye and ask, “If I’m the best man, how come you’re marrying HIM???”Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.Love is a thousand miles long, but comes in six inch installments.Love is a word composed of two vowels, two consonants, and two fools.Love is the dawn of marriage, and marriage is the sunset of love.Love may conquer everything, but it needs Time as its Field General.Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.Make love, not war, or do both: get married.Man and wife make one fool.Many a wife thinks her husband is the world’s greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it.Marital Logic: 1) Marriage is an institution. 2) Marriage is love. 3) Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them.May the bluebird of happiness crap all over your wedding cake.May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead.May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife.May you grow so rich your widow’s second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid.May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters.May you live as long as long as you want to, and may you want to as long as you live!May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish wife.May you never leave your marriage alive.May your clock run slow, your heart fast, your bile over, your wife away, your nose always.May your daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears.May your wife be a witch who takes after her mother, and may you all live together in a one-room house.

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Health Benefits of Laughter

You may have heard that laughter is the best medicine. However, have you ever thought about it or not? Well, laughing and smiling are infectious. Looking at someone and exchanging a smile can make you reciprocate naturally, despite having a rough day. While only a few people out there know the fact that laughter is good for your health. It doesn't only make you feel good but can be a good cure for the blues.

Top 10 health benefits of laughter

To bring more laughter into your life, let's have a look at the key health benefits of laughter below.

1. Tone muscles and burn calories

Healthy laughter can help in burning calories. Even more, laughter also acts as a cheat sheet when it comes to getting a toned stomach. Most importantly, laughing for 10 to 15 minutes can let you burn up to 40 calories. It means watching a 90-minute comic movie can help you to burn up to 240 calories with ease.

2. Reduce anxiety and depression

Laughter can let you relax your entire body. Even more, it can bring tons of benefits to your mental health as well. A good laughter time will not only let you have some joy, but it can also let you relive the feelings of stress, fear, and depression effectively. Laughing can also improve your mood and bring optimistic, positive feelings with ease.

3. Let you sleep sound

Is the last show you watched before sleep is from a comic genre? Then, you have higher chances of getting a peaceful sleep. It is because laughter's good bout before sleeping can reduce anxiety. It can also relax your muscles and help you to have a better sleep quality with ease. It is important after spending a long and hectic day.

4. Improve blood circulation and flow

University of Maryland researchers have found that laughter can improve your blood vessels' health. It can boost their function and cause your blood vessels to expand and dilate. This situation will play a vital role in improving your blood flow and circulation effectively. So, overall, laughter is important to maintain the best level of endothelium.

5. Boost immune system

Laughter can increase antibody-producing cells in your body. It can also enhance T-cells' effectiveness. Consequently, this will reduce the risks of getting cough and the common cold. As it can help improve the immune system, the strong immune system will ultimately keep the infections and allergies at bay. Even more, laughter can reduce negative thoughts that can impact your immune system. Due to this, a happier person is capable of fighting diseases more than others. It is because he is always in the right mind frame, and his immune system will be in a stress-free zone. Consequently, it will improve your overall health.

6. Enhanced respiration

Have you felt a sense of relief and relaxation after laughter? It is because laughing involves deep exhalation. It will, in return, lower your blood pressure and lead you to a calmer state. Like deep breathing, laughing can also offer you a cleansing effect that is beneficial for respiratory ailments.

7. Ease physical pain

Have you ever thought about how laughter can aid in easing your pain? Well, when you laugh, your muscles move. This muscle movement will expand your blood vessels and send more blood to parts of your body. Even more, the breathing rate also increases and oxygen level in your blood, therefore. So, healthy laughter is always the best way to ease pain naturally and effortlessly.

8. Improve memory recall

Scientists at the Loma Linda University have found that laughter can improve learning and memory. It can also reduce cortisol levels as well in your body. Cortisol is a stress hormone that can impact your mind and body negatively. However, laughter can counteract these effects with ease.

9. Protect your heart health

A good laugh can do wonders to improve blood circulation and flow in your body. Even more, it impacts oxygenation as well positively. Also, laughing can boost your heart rate and oxygen consumption immediately and effortlessly. Consequently, this can help in reducing cardiovascular diseases, improving heart health and respiration system.

10. Work as a stress buster.

With every laugh, your face features send a signal to the brain. This signal will help in relieving the endorphins. It will act as a pain killer, reduce stress, and make you feel happy.

Overall, laughter therapy is highly effective in enjoying various health benefits in life. Make sure to have it daily.