The Borg Versus Microsoft Joke

The Borg Versus Microsoft Joke


Picard “Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?”Geordi “Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology.”Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.Riker looks puzzled. “What in the world is ‘Microsoft’?”Data turns to answer. “Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called ‘Windows’, through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate.”Picard “But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won’t they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?”Data “Yes, Captain. But when ‘Windows’ detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an ‘upgrade’. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions.”Picard “Excellent work. This is even better than that ‘unsolvable geometric shape’ idea.”Fifteen minutes later . . .Data “Captain, We have successfully installed the ‘Windows’ in the command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the expected ‘upgrade’.”Geordi “Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an ‘upgrade’ to compensate for their increase.”Picard “Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their is something we have missed.”Data “Sir, I believe their is a reason for the failure in the ‘upgrade’. Apparently, the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards.Riker “Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F . . .”Geordi, excited “Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !”Picard “Data, what do your scanners show?”Data “Apparently the Borg have found the internal ‘Windows’ module named ‘Solitaire’ and it has used up all the CPU capacity.”Picard “Lets wait and see how long this ‘solitaire’ can reduce their functionality.”Two hours pa*s . . .Riker “Geordi what’s the status on the Borg?”Geordi “As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have set up, our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more ‘Windows’ modules from something called the ‘Microsoft fun-pack’.Picard “How much time will that buy us ?”Data “Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time span of 6 more hours.”Geordi “Captain, another vessel has entered our sector.”Picard “Identify.”Data “It appears to have markings very similar to the ‘Microsoft’ logo”Over the speakers:”THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL A*SETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS”Data “The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects.”Picard “Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft”Riker “Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the Borg ship with no life support suits ! How can they survive the tortures of deep space ?!”Data “I don’t believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer, I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits”Riker and Picard together horrified “Lawyers !!”Geordi “It can’t be. All the lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening.”Data “True, but apparently some must have survived.”Riker “They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of papers.”Data “I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as ‘red tape’. I understand that it often proves fatal.”Riker “They’re tearing the Borg to pieces !”Picard “Turn off the monitors. I can’t stand to watch, not even the Borg deserve that!”

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Health Benefits of Laughter

You may have heard that laughter is the best medicine. However, have you ever thought about it or not? Well, laughing and smiling are infectious. Looking at someone and exchanging a smile can make you reciprocate naturally, despite having a rough day. While only a few people out there know the fact that laughter is good for your health. It doesn't only make you feel good but can be a good cure for the blues.

Top 10 health benefits of laughter

To bring more laughter into your life, let's have a look at the key health benefits of laughter below.

1. Tone muscles and burn calories

Healthy laughter can help in burning calories. Even more, laughter also acts as a cheat sheet when it comes to getting a toned stomach. Most importantly, laughing for 10 to 15 minutes can let you burn up to 40 calories. It means watching a 90-minute comic movie can help you to burn up to 240 calories with ease.

2. Reduce anxiety and depression

Laughter can let you relax your entire body. Even more, it can bring tons of benefits to your mental health as well. A good laughter time will not only let you have some joy, but it can also let you relive the feelings of stress, fear, and depression effectively. Laughing can also improve your mood and bring optimistic, positive feelings with ease.

3. Let you sleep sound

Is the last show you watched before sleep is from a comic genre? Then, you have higher chances of getting a peaceful sleep. It is because laughter's good bout before sleeping can reduce anxiety. It can also relax your muscles and help you to have a better sleep quality with ease. It is important after spending a long and hectic day.

4. Improve blood circulation and flow

University of Maryland researchers have found that laughter can improve your blood vessels' health. It can boost their function and cause your blood vessels to expand and dilate. This situation will play a vital role in improving your blood flow and circulation effectively. So, overall, laughter is important to maintain the best level of endothelium.

5. Boost immune system

Laughter can increase antibody-producing cells in your body. It can also enhance T-cells' effectiveness. Consequently, this will reduce the risks of getting cough and the common cold. As it can help improve the immune system, the strong immune system will ultimately keep the infections and allergies at bay. Even more, laughter can reduce negative thoughts that can impact your immune system. Due to this, a happier person is capable of fighting diseases more than others. It is because he is always in the right mind frame, and his immune system will be in a stress-free zone. Consequently, it will improve your overall health.

6. Enhanced respiration

Have you felt a sense of relief and relaxation after laughter? It is because laughing involves deep exhalation. It will, in return, lower your blood pressure and lead you to a calmer state. Like deep breathing, laughing can also offer you a cleansing effect that is beneficial for respiratory ailments.

7. Ease physical pain

Have you ever thought about how laughter can aid in easing your pain? Well, when you laugh, your muscles move. This muscle movement will expand your blood vessels and send more blood to parts of your body. Even more, the breathing rate also increases and oxygen level in your blood, therefore. So, healthy laughter is always the best way to ease pain naturally and effortlessly.

8. Improve memory recall

Scientists at the Loma Linda University have found that laughter can improve learning and memory. It can also reduce cortisol levels as well in your body. Cortisol is a stress hormone that can impact your mind and body negatively. However, laughter can counteract these effects with ease.

9. Protect your heart health

A good laugh can do wonders to improve blood circulation and flow in your body. Even more, it impacts oxygenation as well positively. Also, laughing can boost your heart rate and oxygen consumption immediately and effortlessly. Consequently, this can help in reducing cardiovascular diseases, improving heart health and respiration system.

10. Work as a stress buster.

With every laugh, your face features send a signal to the brain. This signal will help in relieving the endorphins. It will act as a pain killer, reduce stress, and make you feel happy.

Overall, laughter therapy is highly effective in enjoying various health benefits in life. Make sure to have it daily.