Job Interview No-No’s! Joke

Job Interview No-No’s! Joke

English Jokes 2023

If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these:”You could do worse.” “I’ll work so hard you won’t even know I’m there.” “I’ll need all my paid vacation time up front so I’ll be rested when I start.” “You can’t turn me down because I smell bad. You have to have a reason.” “If you call the people I listed as references, please call my parole officer last.” “That big thing growing on my face isn’t my fault.” “I don’t do drugs at work any more. And I probably won’t” “I can go all day without peeing once.” “If you hired my dumba*s brother then you can surely hire me.” “If you hire me I promise not to say anything about the your wicked bad breath.” “I won’t sue you when you fire me.” “My arrest record is all a bunch of lies.” “Iff you kin reed my handriting, ain’t that gud enuff fer me to get the job? “I was a sniper in the Army.” “The only reason my grades in High School was so bad was because all the teachers thought I was stupid because I didn’t pa*s the tests. They wasn’t being fair to me because they don’t like me.” “I can make explosives from Windex, white-out, and copy machine toner.” “If you hire me you can blow your nose on my sleeve any time you want to.” “I’ll need a company car and a driver because I can’t legally drive anywhere in the Western Hemisphere except Cuba and it sucks to go there.” “If you hire me don’t tell the Welfare until I get my Jeep paid off.” “The sticky stuff on my sleeve isn’t what you think.” “You don’t have the BALLS to hire someone like me!” “If you hire me I will show up. That’s all I can promise for sure, but maybe it will be better than that and I will sure try.” “When do we eat?” “How long do I have to work here before I can collect unemployment again?” “Don’t go checking into my record, but if you do, she swore she was18.” “I don’t hear the voices anymore. Do not. Do not. Do not. SHUT UP!!!” “If you give me a job you’re OK but if you don’t you suck.” “I don’t DO applications.” “If I work here I’ll wear the stupid uniform as long as I can wear any kind of underwear I want.” “This will be my first job since the Beatles broke up because they really pissed me off!” “I won’t have to do anything, will I” “If I get sick on the job, will I have to clean up my own puke?” “Can I bring my goat to the company daycare center?” “I collect guns. You probably want to tell me that I got the job now, right?” “I’m not what? Oh yeah? Well here’s what you can do with your friggin’ job…”

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Health Benefits of Laughter

You may have heard that laughter is the best medicine. However, have you ever thought about it or not? Well, laughing and smiling are infectious. Looking at someone and exchanging a smile can make you reciprocate naturally, despite having a rough day. While only a few people out there know the fact that laughter is good for your health. It doesn't only make you feel good but can be a good cure for the blues.

Top 10 health benefits of laughter

To bring more laughter into your life, let's have a look at the key health benefits of laughter below.

1. Tone muscles and burn calories

Healthy laughter can help in burning calories. Even more, laughter also acts as a cheat sheet when it comes to getting a toned stomach. Most importantly, laughing for 10 to 15 minutes can let you burn up to 40 calories. It means watching a 90-minute comic movie can help you to burn up to 240 calories with ease.

2. Reduce anxiety and depression

Laughter can let you relax your entire body. Even more, it can bring tons of benefits to your mental health as well. A good laughter time will not only let you have some joy, but it can also let you relive the feelings of stress, fear, and depression effectively. Laughing can also improve your mood and bring optimistic, positive feelings with ease.

3. Let you sleep sound

Is the last show you watched before sleep is from a comic genre? Then, you have higher chances of getting a peaceful sleep. It is because laughter's good bout before sleeping can reduce anxiety. It can also relax your muscles and help you to have a better sleep quality with ease. It is important after spending a long and hectic day.

4. Improve blood circulation and flow

University of Maryland researchers have found that laughter can improve your blood vessels' health. It can boost their function and cause your blood vessels to expand and dilate. This situation will play a vital role in improving your blood flow and circulation effectively. So, overall, laughter is important to maintain the best level of endothelium.

5. Boost immune system

Laughter can increase antibody-producing cells in your body. It can also enhance T-cells' effectiveness. Consequently, this will reduce the risks of getting cough and the common cold. As it can help improve the immune system, the strong immune system will ultimately keep the infections and allergies at bay. Even more, laughter can reduce negative thoughts that can impact your immune system. Due to this, a happier person is capable of fighting diseases more than others. It is because he is always in the right mind frame, and his immune system will be in a stress-free zone. Consequently, it will improve your overall health.

6. Enhanced respiration

Have you felt a sense of relief and relaxation after laughter? It is because laughing involves deep exhalation. It will, in return, lower your blood pressure and lead you to a calmer state. Like deep breathing, laughing can also offer you a cleansing effect that is beneficial for respiratory ailments.

7. Ease physical pain

Have you ever thought about how laughter can aid in easing your pain? Well, when you laugh, your muscles move. This muscle movement will expand your blood vessels and send more blood to parts of your body. Even more, the breathing rate also increases and oxygen level in your blood, therefore. So, healthy laughter is always the best way to ease pain naturally and effortlessly.

8. Improve memory recall

Scientists at the Loma Linda University have found that laughter can improve learning and memory. It can also reduce cortisol levels as well in your body. Cortisol is a stress hormone that can impact your mind and body negatively. However, laughter can counteract these effects with ease.

9. Protect your heart health

A good laugh can do wonders to improve blood circulation and flow in your body. Even more, it impacts oxygenation as well positively. Also, laughing can boost your heart rate and oxygen consumption immediately and effortlessly. Consequently, this can help in reducing cardiovascular diseases, improving heart health and respiration system.

10. Work as a stress buster.

With every laugh, your face features send a signal to the brain. This signal will help in relieving the endorphins. It will act as a pain killer, reduce stress, and make you feel happy.

Overall, laughter therapy is highly effective in enjoying various health benefits in life. Make sure to have it daily.

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