Homer Simpson Laugh-Lines! Joke

Homer Simpson Laugh-Lines! Joke


Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? ***** Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose … it’s how drunk you get. ***** Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. ***** It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day. ***** Homer: Are you saying you’re never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No! Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal! Homer: Heh heh heh… ooh… yeah… right, Lisa. A wonderful… magical animal. ***** Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper? Homer: Can’t he be both, like the late Earl Warren? Marge: Earl Warren was never a stripper! Homer: Oh, now who’s being naive? ***** Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive? Marge: That’s because you were drunk! Homer: And how! ***** Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: Bart’s a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let’s go back to that… building…thingie… where our beds and TV… is. ***** Operator! Give me the number for 911! ***** Lenny: Hey, Homer? What do I tell the boss? Homer: Tell him I’m going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes! ***** Big brother representative: Now, Mr. Simpson, may I ask why you’re here? Homer’s brain: Don’t say revenge. Don’t say revenge. Homer: Ummm… revenge? Homer’s brain: Okay, that’s it. I’m outta here. (step step step step step…slam) ***** Homer: Okay, brain. You don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let’s get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer. Homer’s Brain: It’s a deal! ***** Homer: But Marge! I was a political prisoner! Marge: How were you a political prisoner? Homer: I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a picture? ***** Homer: Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you’d step over your own mother just to get one! (chugs beer) ***** Old man: Take this doll, but beware; it carries a terrible curse. Homer: Ooo, that’s bad. Old man: But it comes with a free serving of frozen yogurt! Homer: That’s good! Old man: The frozen yogurt is also cursed. Homer: That’s bad. Old man: But it comes with your choice of toppings! Homer: That’s good! Old man: The toppings contain pota*sium benzoate… Homer: (confused look) Old man: That’s bad. Homer: Can I go now? ***** Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you’re prejudiced against all races. ***** Homer’s brain: Use reverse psychology. Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated. Homer’s brain: Okay, don’t use reverse psychology. Homer: Okay, I will! ***** Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie — Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie — Police Academy. ***** Marge: Homer, did you call the audience “Chicken”? Homer: No! I swear on this bible! Marge: That’s not a bible. That’s a book of carpet samples. Homer: Mmmm… fuzzy. ***** Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad! Homer: Did you wreck the car? Bart: No. Homer: Did you raise the dead? Lisa: Yes. Homer: But the car’s okay? Bart & Lisa: Uh-huh. Homer: All right then. ***** Mmmmm… reprocessed pig fat… ***** (praying): Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever… thy bidding will be done (munch munch munch). ***** What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.

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Health Benefits of Laughter

You may have heard that laughter is the best medicine. However, have you ever thought about it or not? Well, laughing and smiling are infectious. Looking at someone and exchanging a smile can make you reciprocate naturally, despite having a rough day. While only a few people out there know the fact that laughter is good for your health. It doesn't only make you feel good but can be a good cure for the blues.

Top 10 health benefits of laughter

To bring more laughter into your life, let's have a look at the key health benefits of laughter below.

1. Tone muscles and burn calories

Healthy laughter can help in burning calories. Even more, laughter also acts as a cheat sheet when it comes to getting a toned stomach. Most importantly, laughing for 10 to 15 minutes can let you burn up to 40 calories. It means watching a 90-minute comic movie can help you to burn up to 240 calories with ease.

2. Reduce anxiety and depression

Laughter can let you relax your entire body. Even more, it can bring tons of benefits to your mental health as well. A good laughter time will not only let you have some joy, but it can also let you relive the feelings of stress, fear, and depression effectively. Laughing can also improve your mood and bring optimistic, positive feelings with ease.

3. Let you sleep sound

Is the last show you watched before sleep is from a comic genre? Then, you have higher chances of getting a peaceful sleep. It is because laughter's good bout before sleeping can reduce anxiety. It can also relax your muscles and help you to have a better sleep quality with ease. It is important after spending a long and hectic day.

4. Improve blood circulation and flow

University of Maryland researchers have found that laughter can improve your blood vessels' health. It can boost their function and cause your blood vessels to expand and dilate. This situation will play a vital role in improving your blood flow and circulation effectively. So, overall, laughter is important to maintain the best level of endothelium.

5. Boost immune system

Laughter can increase antibody-producing cells in your body. It can also enhance T-cells' effectiveness. Consequently, this will reduce the risks of getting cough and the common cold. As it can help improve the immune system, the strong immune system will ultimately keep the infections and allergies at bay. Even more, laughter can reduce negative thoughts that can impact your immune system. Due to this, a happier person is capable of fighting diseases more than others. It is because he is always in the right mind frame, and his immune system will be in a stress-free zone. Consequently, it will improve your overall health.

6. Enhanced respiration

Have you felt a sense of relief and relaxation after laughter? It is because laughing involves deep exhalation. It will, in return, lower your blood pressure and lead you to a calmer state. Like deep breathing, laughing can also offer you a cleansing effect that is beneficial for respiratory ailments.

7. Ease physical pain

Have you ever thought about how laughter can aid in easing your pain? Well, when you laugh, your muscles move. This muscle movement will expand your blood vessels and send more blood to parts of your body. Even more, the breathing rate also increases and oxygen level in your blood, therefore. So, healthy laughter is always the best way to ease pain naturally and effortlessly.

8. Improve memory recall

Scientists at the Loma Linda University have found that laughter can improve learning and memory. It can also reduce cortisol levels as well in your body. Cortisol is a stress hormone that can impact your mind and body negatively. However, laughter can counteract these effects with ease.

9. Protect your heart health

A good laugh can do wonders to improve blood circulation and flow in your body. Even more, it impacts oxygenation as well positively. Also, laughing can boost your heart rate and oxygen consumption immediately and effortlessly. Consequently, this can help in reducing cardiovascular diseases, improving heart health and respiration system.

10. Work as a stress buster.

With every laugh, your face features send a signal to the brain. This signal will help in relieving the endorphins. It will act as a pain killer, reduce stress, and make you feel happy.

Overall, laughter therapy is highly effective in enjoying various health benefits in life. Make sure to have it daily.