1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they’re actually in control.2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of “need” is irrelevant, so don’t bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.3. Women never have anything to wear. Don’t question the racks of clothes in the closet; you “just don’t understand”.4. Women need to cry. And they won’t do it alone unless they know you can hear them.5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That’s why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around whenthere’s a spider or a wasp involved.10. Women can’t keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don’t view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.12. Women can’t refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she’s doing. It might be the lottery calling.13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn’t need toys if women had an “on/off” switch.14. Women think all beer is the same.15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower.16. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.17. Women don’t understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things *could* be.18. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he’ll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she’ll pack 21 outfits because she doesn’t know what she’ll feel like wearing each day.19. Women brush their hair *before* bed.21. Women are paid less than men, except for Modeling.22. Women are *never* wrong. Apologizing is the mans responsibility, “It’s there in the bible”. hmmm who was it that gave Adam the apple?23. Women do *not* know anything about cars. “Oil-stick, oil doesn’t stick?”24. Women have better rest rooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet.25. The average number of items in a typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.26. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.27. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will callthe same friend and they will talk for three hours.28. A woman will dress up to go shopping, to water the plants, to empty the garbage, to answer the phone, to read a book, or to get the mail.30. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.31. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, ‘How do I look?’32. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that. PMS also stands for Punish My Spouse.)33. The first naked man that woman see is “Ken”.36. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.37. “Oh, nothing,” has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.38. Lewis Carroll’s Caterpillar had nothing on women.39. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.40a All women are overweight by definition, don’t argue with them about it.40b All women are overweight by definition, don’t agree with them about it.41. If it is not Valentines day, and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, “What did you do?”42. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights.43. Only women understand the reason for “guest towels” and the “good china”.46. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.47. Women don’t really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don’t see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried do you?

Tag: Miscellaneous Jokes