Changing of the English LanguageHaving chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the EuropeanParliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improvingefficiency in communications between Government departments.European officials have often pointed out that English spelling isunnecessarily difficult – for example, cough, plough, rough, through andthorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes toiron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, beadministered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using ‘s’instead of the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities wouldresieve this news with joy. Then the hard ‘c’ could be replaced by ‘k’sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear upkonfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould bemade with one less letter.There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it kould beannounsed that the troublesome ‘ph’ would henseforth be written ‘f’.This would make words like ‘fotograf’ twenty per sent shorter in print.In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be exp*ktedto reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible.Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which havealways been a deterent to akurate speling.We would al agre that the horible mes of silent ‘e’s in the languag isdisgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ asthough nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins theskem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing ‘th’by ‘z’. Perhaps zen ze funktion of ‘w’ kould be taken on by ‘v’, vitshis, after al, half a ‘w’. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary ‘o kould bedropd from words kontaining ‘ou’. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplidto ozer kombinations of leters.Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensiblriten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis andevrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Guvermntvud finali hav kum tru.
Tag: Miscellaneous Jokes