Bad Jokes The following riddles and jokes were made up by BADJOKE.EXE, an MS-DOSprogram. You probably haven’t heard most of them. Please try not to laughtoo hard and feel free to flame as much as you like–we are all likepa*sengers on the deck of the Titanic discussing what we’re going to do whenwe get to shore.How can you tell when a mechanic has been behind your nuclear warhead?There are nubile lambchops all over your pizza!How can you tell when a pope has been coming towards your spaceship?There are laughing travelling salesmen in your banana!How do you get 100 gargoyles into a nuclear warhead?Throw in a lawn sprinkler!Why do motorcycles fold born-again eyeballs?To diaper their skyscrapers!Why do policemen have toilets?So that yaks will disobey them!What do you get when you cross a Barbie doll and a banana?An angry nurse!What did the Democrat say to the kettle drum?”Ignore my eyeball, you square baby!”What did the finger say ot the lawn sprinkler?”Enlist my meatgrinder, you born-again c**kroach!”How can you tell when a water cooler has been beside your mule?There are schizophrenic bathtubs all over your skyscraper!Why do nuclear warheads have televisions?So that photocopiers will interrogate them!Who was that baby I saw you with last night?That was no baby, that was my senator!What do a hot toddler and a fossilized kneecap have in common?The both eat flying hairballs!When is a toothbrush not a toothbrush?When it’s a flabby cornfield!What do you call a garbageman who has married milkmen beside him?A Communist!Waiter, there’s a cranberry near my polar ice cap!Shhh! Everyone will want one!Why do yaks have fingers?So that Hare Krishnas will break them!How do you get 100 horses into a drainpipe?Throw in a teapot!What do you get when you cross an escalator and a grandmother?A thirsty spatula!What do a lovesick armadillo and a grouchy tank have in common?They both smash lazy lollipops!Why do popes bathe automatic horses?To satisfy their SubGeniuses!What time is it when a kettle drum steals your senator?Time to get a new senator!What do a married shark and a left-handed pocketwatch have in common?They both visit hi-rise armadillos!What do you call a guru who has yawning armadillos inside him?A violin!Why do ex-convicts have televisions?So that toilets will dissect them!How do you get 100 beds into a Barbie doll?Throw in a toenail!When is a cornfield not a cornfield?When it’s a worthless whale!How can you tell when a senator has been inside your bed?There are hi-rise parking tickets up against your toilet!Why do TV repairmen have beds?So that VCRs will visit them!When is a pencil sharpener not a pencil sharpener?When it’s a religious milk shake!What do a green photocopier and a gaudy farmer have in common?They both buy yellow prunes!Why do armadillos have babies?So that snakes will steal them!What do a greedy teapot and a housebroken phonebook have in common?They both stall born-again BMWs!What did the toothbrush say to the sloth?”Smash my horse, please!”How do you get 100 bums into a hovercraft?Throw in a vicar!What did the toenail say to the cookie jar?”Disobey my eyelid, you drunk landmine!”Why did the Hare Krishna marry his cornfield?To enshrine its solar-powered parking ticket!When is an insurance salesman not an insurance salesman?When he’s a beautiful grandmother!What do a mellow puppy and an overworked shark have in common?They both toast gold-plated giraffes!What do you get when you cross a skyscraper and a TV repairman?A holographic chicken!What time is it when a fly swatter touches your toothbrush?Time to get a new toothbrush!Why do demons have aerobics instructors?So that ostriches will cross-examine them!What do you call a waitress who has brain-damaged pianos on her?A lima bean!What do an awe-inspiring fly swatter and a cheap flea have in common?They both bounce wacky gods!What time is it when a SubGenius cross-examines your kneecap?Time to get a new kneecap!Why do grandmothers enshrine hyperactive sharks?To befriend their prunes!Why do toddlers have gargoyles?So that forks will marry them!

Tag: Miscellaneous Jokes