Bad Jokes

Bad Jokes

English Jokes 2023

Bad Jokes The following riddles and jokes were made up by BADJOKE.EXE, an MS-DOSprogram. You probably haven’t heard most of them. Please try not to laughtoo hard and feel free to flame as much as you like–we are all likepa*sengers on the deck of the Titanic discussing what we’re going to do whenwe get to shore.How can you tell when a mechanic has been behind your nuclear warhead?There are nubile lambchops all over your pizza!How can you tell when a pope has been coming towards your spaceship?There are laughing travelling salesmen in your banana!How do you get 100 gargoyles into a nuclear warhead?Throw in a lawn sprinkler!Why do motorcycles fold born-again eyeballs?To diaper their skyscrapers!Why do policemen have toilets?So that yaks will disobey them!What do you get when you cross a Barbie doll and a banana?An angry nurse!What did the Democrat say to the kettle drum?”Ignore my eyeball, you square baby!”What did the finger say ot the lawn sprinkler?”Enlist my meatgrinder, you born-again c**kroach!”How can you tell when a water cooler has been beside your mule?There are schizophrenic bathtubs all over your skyscraper!Why do nuclear warheads have televisions?So that photocopiers will interrogate them!Who was that baby I saw you with last night?That was no baby, that was my senator!What do a hot toddler and a fossilized kneecap have in common?The both eat flying hairballs!When is a toothbrush not a toothbrush?When it’s a flabby cornfield!What do you call a garbageman who has married milkmen beside him?A Communist!Waiter, there’s a cranberry near my polar ice cap!Shhh! Everyone will want one!Why do yaks have fingers?So that Hare Krishnas will break them!How do you get 100 horses into a drainpipe?Throw in a teapot!What do you get when you cross an escalator and a grandmother?A thirsty spatula!What do a lovesick armadillo and a grouchy tank have in common?They both smash lazy lollipops!Why do popes bathe automatic horses?To satisfy their SubGeniuses!What time is it when a kettle drum steals your senator?Time to get a new senator!What do a married shark and a left-handed pocketwatch have in common?They both visit hi-rise armadillos!What do you call a guru who has yawning armadillos inside him?A violin!Why do ex-convicts have televisions?So that toilets will dissect them!How do you get 100 beds into a Barbie doll?Throw in a toenail!When is a cornfield not a cornfield?When it’s a worthless whale!How can you tell when a senator has been inside your bed?There are hi-rise parking tickets up against your toilet!Why do TV repairmen have beds?So that VCRs will visit them!When is a pencil sharpener not a pencil sharpener?When it’s a religious milk shake!What do a green photocopier and a gaudy farmer have in common?They both buy yellow prunes!Why do armadillos have babies?So that snakes will steal them!What do a greedy teapot and a housebroken phonebook have in common?They both stall born-again BMWs!What did the toothbrush say to the sloth?”Smash my horse, please!”How do you get 100 bums into a hovercraft?Throw in a vicar!What did the toenail say to the cookie jar?”Disobey my eyelid, you drunk landmine!”Why did the Hare Krishna marry his cornfield?To enshrine its solar-powered parking ticket!When is an insurance salesman not an insurance salesman?When he’s a beautiful grandmother!What do a mellow puppy and an overworked shark have in common?They both toast gold-plated giraffes!What do you get when you cross a skyscraper and a TV repairman?A holographic chicken!What time is it when a fly swatter touches your toothbrush?Time to get a new toothbrush!Why do demons have aerobics instructors?So that ostriches will cross-examine them!What do you call a waitress who has brain-damaged pianos on her?A lima bean!What do an awe-inspiring fly swatter and a cheap flea have in common?They both bounce wacky gods!What time is it when a SubGenius cross-examines your kneecap?Time to get a new kneecap!Why do grandmothers enshrine hyperactive sharks?To befriend their prunes!Why do toddlers have gargoyles?So that forks will marry them!

Tag: Miscellaneous Jokes

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Health Benefits of Laughter

You may have heard that laughter is the best medicine. However, have you ever thought about it or not? Well, laughing and smiling are infectious. Looking at someone and exchanging a smile can make you reciprocate naturally, despite having a rough day. While only a few people out there know the fact that laughter is good for your health. It doesn't only make you feel good but can be a good cure for the blues.

Top 10 health benefits of laughter

To bring more laughter into your life, let's have a look at the key health benefits of laughter below.

1. Tone muscles and burn calories

Healthy laughter can help in burning calories. Even more, laughter also acts as a cheat sheet when it comes to getting a toned stomach. Most importantly, laughing for 10 to 15 minutes can let you burn up to 40 calories. It means watching a 90-minute comic movie can help you to burn up to 240 calories with ease.

2. Reduce anxiety and depression

Laughter can let you relax your entire body. Even more, it can bring tons of benefits to your mental health as well. A good laughter time will not only let you have some joy, but it can also let you relive the feelings of stress, fear, and depression effectively. Laughing can also improve your mood and bring optimistic, positive feelings with ease.

3. Let you sleep sound

Is the last show you watched before sleep is from a comic genre? Then, you have higher chances of getting a peaceful sleep. It is because laughter's good bout before sleeping can reduce anxiety. It can also relax your muscles and help you to have a better sleep quality with ease. It is important after spending a long and hectic day.

4. Improve blood circulation and flow

University of Maryland researchers have found that laughter can improve your blood vessels' health. It can boost their function and cause your blood vessels to expand and dilate. This situation will play a vital role in improving your blood flow and circulation effectively. So, overall, laughter is important to maintain the best level of endothelium.

5. Boost immune system

Laughter can increase antibody-producing cells in your body. It can also enhance T-cells' effectiveness. Consequently, this will reduce the risks of getting cough and the common cold. As it can help improve the immune system, the strong immune system will ultimately keep the infections and allergies at bay. Even more, laughter can reduce negative thoughts that can impact your immune system. Due to this, a happier person is capable of fighting diseases more than others. It is because he is always in the right mind frame, and his immune system will be in a stress-free zone. Consequently, it will improve your overall health.

6. Enhanced respiration

Have you felt a sense of relief and relaxation after laughter? It is because laughing involves deep exhalation. It will, in return, lower your blood pressure and lead you to a calmer state. Like deep breathing, laughing can also offer you a cleansing effect that is beneficial for respiratory ailments.

7. Ease physical pain

Have you ever thought about how laughter can aid in easing your pain? Well, when you laugh, your muscles move. This muscle movement will expand your blood vessels and send more blood to parts of your body. Even more, the breathing rate also increases and oxygen level in your blood, therefore. So, healthy laughter is always the best way to ease pain naturally and effortlessly.

8. Improve memory recall

Scientists at the Loma Linda University have found that laughter can improve learning and memory. It can also reduce cortisol levels as well in your body. Cortisol is a stress hormone that can impact your mind and body negatively. However, laughter can counteract these effects with ease.

9. Protect your heart health

A good laugh can do wonders to improve blood circulation and flow in your body. Even more, it impacts oxygenation as well positively. Also, laughing can boost your heart rate and oxygen consumption immediately and effortlessly. Consequently, this can help in reducing cardiovascular diseases, improving heart health and respiration system.

10. Work as a stress buster.

With every laugh, your face features send a signal to the brain. This signal will help in relieving the endorphins. It will act as a pain killer, reduce stress, and make you feel happy.

Overall, laughter therapy is highly effective in enjoying various health benefits in life. Make sure to have it daily.

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