A Call For More Scientific Truth In Product Warning Labels Joke

A Call For More Scientific Truth In Product Warning Labels Joke


A Call for More Scientific Truth in Product Warning Labels by Susan Hewitt and Edward Subitzky from the Journal of Irreproducible Results, Vol 36, No. 1As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towardslegislation that requires the prominent placing of warnings on products that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the cautionarythought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely scratch thesurface of what is really necessary in this important area. This is especiallytrue in light of the findings of 20th century physics.We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists, we join together inan intensive push for new laws that will mandate the conspicuous placementof suitably informative warnings on the packaging of every product offeredfor sale in the United States of America. Our Suggested list of requiredwarnings appears below.Warning: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.Warning: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe,Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional tothe Product of the Ma*ses and Inversely Proportional to the DistanceBetween Them.Caution: The Ma*s of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.Handle with Extreme Care: This Product Contains Minute ElectricallyCharged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred MillionMiles per Hour.Consumer Notice: Because of the ‘Uncertainty Principle,’ It Is Impossiblefor the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where ThisProduct Is and How Fast It Is Moving.Advisory: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through aProcess Known as ‘Tunneling,’ This Product May Spontaneously Disappearfrom Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in theUniverse, Including Your NeighborUs Domicile. The Manufacturer Will NotBe Responsible for Any Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.Read This Before Opening Package: According to Certain SuggestedVersions of a Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting ThisProduct May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred MillionYears.This is a 100% Matter product: In the Unlikely Event That This MerchandiseShould Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion WillResult.Public Notice as Required by Law: Any Use of This Product, in Any MannerWhatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe.Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That ThisProcess Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.Note: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Togetherby a ‘Gluing’ Force About Which Little Is Currently Known and WhoseAdhesive Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.Attention: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon,the Consumer Is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of99.9999999999% Empty Space.New Grand Unified Theory Disclaimer: The Manufacturer May TechnicallyBe Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-Dimensional. However, theConsumer Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above andBeyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the SevenNew Dimensions Are ‘Rolled Up’ into Such a Small ‘Area’ That TheyCannot Be Detected.Please Note: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When theConsumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist orWill Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.Component equivalency notice: The Subatomic Particles (Electrons,Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in EveryMeasurable Respect as Those Used in the Products of Other Manufacturers,and No Claim to the Contrary May Legitimately Be Expressed or Implied.Health Warning: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, SinceIts Ma*s, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to theUser.Important Notice to Purchasers: The Entire Physical Universe, IncludingThis Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally SmallSpace. Should Another Universe Subsequently Re-emerge, the Existence ofThis Product in That Universe Cannot be Guaranteed.

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Health Benefits of Laughter

You may have heard that laughter is the best medicine. However, have you ever thought about it or not? Well, laughing and smiling are infectious. Looking at someone and exchanging a smile can make you reciprocate naturally, despite having a rough day. While only a few people out there know the fact that laughter is good for your health. It doesn't only make you feel good but can be a good cure for the blues.

Top 10 health benefits of laughter

To bring more laughter into your life, let's have a look at the key health benefits of laughter below.

1. Tone muscles and burn calories

Healthy laughter can help in burning calories. Even more, laughter also acts as a cheat sheet when it comes to getting a toned stomach. Most importantly, laughing for 10 to 15 minutes can let you burn up to 40 calories. It means watching a 90-minute comic movie can help you to burn up to 240 calories with ease.

2. Reduce anxiety and depression

Laughter can let you relax your entire body. Even more, it can bring tons of benefits to your mental health as well. A good laughter time will not only let you have some joy, but it can also let you relive the feelings of stress, fear, and depression effectively. Laughing can also improve your mood and bring optimistic, positive feelings with ease.

3. Let you sleep sound

Is the last show you watched before sleep is from a comic genre? Then, you have higher chances of getting a peaceful sleep. It is because laughter's good bout before sleeping can reduce anxiety. It can also relax your muscles and help you to have a better sleep quality with ease. It is important after spending a long and hectic day.

4. Improve blood circulation and flow

University of Maryland researchers have found that laughter can improve your blood vessels' health. It can boost their function and cause your blood vessels to expand and dilate. This situation will play a vital role in improving your blood flow and circulation effectively. So, overall, laughter is important to maintain the best level of endothelium.

5. Boost immune system

Laughter can increase antibody-producing cells in your body. It can also enhance T-cells' effectiveness. Consequently, this will reduce the risks of getting cough and the common cold. As it can help improve the immune system, the strong immune system will ultimately keep the infections and allergies at bay. Even more, laughter can reduce negative thoughts that can impact your immune system. Due to this, a happier person is capable of fighting diseases more than others. It is because he is always in the right mind frame, and his immune system will be in a stress-free zone. Consequently, it will improve your overall health.

6. Enhanced respiration

Have you felt a sense of relief and relaxation after laughter? It is because laughing involves deep exhalation. It will, in return, lower your blood pressure and lead you to a calmer state. Like deep breathing, laughing can also offer you a cleansing effect that is beneficial for respiratory ailments.

7. Ease physical pain

Have you ever thought about how laughter can aid in easing your pain? Well, when you laugh, your muscles move. This muscle movement will expand your blood vessels and send more blood to parts of your body. Even more, the breathing rate also increases and oxygen level in your blood, therefore. So, healthy laughter is always the best way to ease pain naturally and effortlessly.

8. Improve memory recall

Scientists at the Loma Linda University have found that laughter can improve learning and memory. It can also reduce cortisol levels as well in your body. Cortisol is a stress hormone that can impact your mind and body negatively. However, laughter can counteract these effects with ease.

9. Protect your heart health

A good laugh can do wonders to improve blood circulation and flow in your body. Even more, it impacts oxygenation as well positively. Also, laughing can boost your heart rate and oxygen consumption immediately and effortlessly. Consequently, this can help in reducing cardiovascular diseases, improving heart health and respiration system.

10. Work as a stress buster.

With every laugh, your face features send a signal to the brain. This signal will help in relieving the endorphins. It will act as a pain killer, reduce stress, and make you feel happy.

Overall, laughter therapy is highly effective in enjoying various health benefits in life. Make sure to have it daily.