I walked into Waterstones and said, "I bought this book on Speed Reading but I want my money back."
"Do you have a receipt?" she asked
"Of course," I said, handing it to her
"But this receipt is 3 yea...
"Is my Dad here yet?" I asked entering the chippy. "He reckons you've great fish and chips and he's been coming here for months."
"I'm sorry, what's his name?" she replied.
"Oh it's Pete Smith but you...
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit.
"This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said ...
I recently saw this girl while I was out one day, Our eyes kept meeting but neither of us had the courage to talk to each other. Eventually I went over to break the ice.
Thats when I was asked to leav...
I hate stuck-up people who sit on social networking sites all day and complain about everything that goes wrong, when in actual reality their life is far from bad.
3 minutes ago via Facebook for iPhon...
I don't like to brag but the hooligan that picked a fight with me down at the pub wound up with a broken nose and 2 fractured ribs
After the ambulance that was taking me to the hospital accidentally b...
I was eating a packet of Walker's crisps the other day: Stephen Fry's Fry Up flavour. The first crisp tasted just like sausages, the second tasted exactly like eggs with tomato ketchup, but what did ...
I manage my local pub football team and we had a game last night.
At half time we were 3-0 down and I was stressed, freezing cold and hungry.
My mate said, "I'm quickly popping to the shops, do you wa...
So I'm in JFK airport with my 3 kids Alex, Kyle and Ida. They all go missing whilst going security and I start to panic.
So I ask if I can use the tannoy to call out for them....
very innocently I sho...
The Wife asked me last night, "how would you judge the success of a Man?"
So of course I said "by the amount of Women he's banged"
Then she said "how would you judge the success of a Woman?"
"Well of ...
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