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I’Ve Always Wanted The Best For My Kids, So When I… – Stupid Jokes


I’ve always wanted the best for my kids, so when it came to school I was determined to ensure that they got the best education. When their applications for the top girls school in the country were turned down, I demanded an explanation.
“Basically Mr Roberts,” they explained, “We just think that Martin and Geoff would be better off elsewhere.”



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Today I Was In A Really Happy Mood – Homeless Jokes


Today I was in a really happy mood. I decided to go on my casual stroll around my area, you know? Breathe in the fresh air. But then I came across a tramp.
“Please Sir, can I have some money? My bank account has been hacked into and I’ve lost my house, car, bed and everything!”
So, me being generous, I gave him a 1000 cheque.
You should have seen the look on his face.



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When The New Patient Was Settled Comfortably On Th… – Professions Jokes


When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the physiatrist began his therapy session. “I’m not aware of your problem,” the doctor said. “So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning.”
The patient replies “In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth…”



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I Was In Tesco’S Today Queuing For The Self Service Checkout – Shopping Jokes


I was in Tesco’s today queuing for the self service checkout. I couldn’t believe it when the computer asked the black guy in front of me “have you swiped your clubcard?”
I’m not sure what was more surprising, the fact the computer knew he was black and therefore asked him whether he had stolen his clubcard…
Or the fact that he was actually paying for something



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