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Inflight Humor


All   too rarely,   airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining.
I have heard of these examples. I wonder if these are true!
CONTINENTAL AIRLINES
On a Continental Flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said:
“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”
JAPAN AIR LINES
“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling.
Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.
If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”
BRITISH AIRWAYS
“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”
QANTAS AIRWAYS
Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing:
“We ask   you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
NORTHWEST AIRLINES
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced;
“Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”
PHILIPPINE AIR LINES
We’re now preparing to land at San Francisco International Airport. Kindly straighten up your seats, turn off all electronic gadgets, pull up your window shades and buckle up for safety.
We hope you enjoyed flying with us as much as we did.
Sa wikang atin po, tayo po ay papalapag na sa paliparang pangkalawakang internasyonal ng San Francisco.
Paalala po lamang sa ating mga kababayan:
— ang mga unan, kumot, headset at iba pang kagamitan sa eroplano ay di po kasama sa pasalubong. Huwag po lamang baklasin ang LCD-TV na nakadikit sa silya.



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Snake Rattle


what is it when a rattle snake can not rattle?….a reptile dysfunction



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Gusto Ko Po Maging….


Isang Araw may isang guro na nagtanong sa kanyang mga estudyante…
Guro:Magandang Umaga Class!!!Class, ano ang gusto niyo maging???
Girl 1:Gusto ko po maging nars!!!Para po makagamot po ako ng KAPWA!
Girl 2:Ako naman po ay ang pagiging Chef!!!Gusto ko pong busugin ang aking KAPWA!
Girl 3:Gusto ko naman po maging Presidente!!!Para po matulungan ko po ang aking KAPWA!
Guro:Wow!Ang gagaling niyong sumagot!O iho, ikaw naman ano ang gusto mo maging?
Boy:Ummm…Alam ko na!!! Gusto ko maging KAPWA!!!



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Bigti


Man #1 : O pare bat may Tali yang Paa mo?
Man#2: Eh gusto ko kasing mag bigti eh.
Man#1: E bakit sa paa diba sa Leeg yan nilalagay?
Man #2: Oo nga pare e sinubukan ko na yan kanina eh ………hindi ako maka hinga pare eh…



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BUTI PA SIYA


Ang makatang sampay-bakod
Here’s something for your coffee break……….
BUTI PA SIYA
Buti pa ang kalendaryo, may date Buti pa ang Hersheys, may kisses Buti pa ang probability, may chance YUNG IBANG TAO, WALA.
Buti pa ang Paranaque, may BF Buti pa ang farm, may chicks Buti pa ang halaman, may nagaalaga YUNG IBANG TAO, WALA.
Buti pa ang nitso, may bulaklak Buti pa ang patay, may dumadalaw Buti pa ang prisoner, binabantayan YUNG IBANG TAO, BALIWALA.
Buti pa ang tennis, may love Buti pa ang bees, may honey Buti pa ang Chemistry, may lab YUNG IBANG TAO, WALA.
Buti pa ang telepono, hini-hello Buti pa ang film, nadi-develop Buti pa ang typewriter, nata-type-pan YUNG IBANG TAO, HINDI.
Buti pa ang exams, sinasagot Buti pa ang problema, iniisip Buti pa ang assignment, inu-uwi YUNG IBANG TAO, HINDI.
Buti pa ang panyo, nadadantayan ng pisngi Buti pa ang baso, dinadampian ng labiButi pa ang unan, inaakap sa gabi YUNG IBANG TAO, HINDI PUEDE.
Buti pa ang kamalian, napapansin Buti pa ang salamin, minamasdan Buti pa ang hininga, hinahabol YUNG IBANG TAO, HINDI
Buti pa ang tindera, nagpapatawad Buti pa ang awit at tugtog, pinagsasama Buti pa ang sugat, inaalagaan YUNG IBANG TAO, HINDI
Buti pa ang lungs, malapit sa puso Buti pa ang bra, kakabit ng dibdib Buti pa ang kotse, mahal YUNG IBANG TAO, HINDI
Buti pa ang pera, ini-ingatan Buti pa ang mahjong, sinasalat Buti pa ang damo, dinidiligan YUNG IBA DIYAN, HINDI
Buti pa ang sobre, nadidilaan Buti pa ang susi, naipapasok Buti pa ang itlog, binabati YUNG SA IBA DIYAN, HINDI
Buti pa ang doorbell, pinipindot Buti pa ang keyboard, napi-finger Buti pa ang bola, nilalaro YUNG SA IBA DIYAN, HINDI
BUTI PA………… MAGTRABAHO KA NA AT BAKA MASISANTE KA PA.



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