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Rude Duck

A puppeteer performs a show with a duck glove puppet. The duck opens its mouth:
“And now I’d like to tell you a joke about cops!”
There rises a cop in the last row:
“Well, that’s enough! I’m bored of it. Those damned anecdotes always make police look like a fool!”
The puppeteer blushes and tries to apologize.
“You shut up!” the cop barks. “I’m talking to your duck!”

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National Peculiarity

Two sharks meet in the Red Sea:
“How have you become so fat?”
“I’ve been eating a lot of American tourists lately.”
“Ain’t that dangerous? They might kill you!”
“No worries! If you attack a British or German tourist, his mates rush to help him, but the Americans just shout: “How exotic! Cool!” and start to film it…”

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1 vote, 3.00 avg. rating (54% score)

Old Habits Die Hard

Farmer and his son live in the midland of Australia — hundreds of miles away from the nearest villages. The boy becomes 19 years old but has never seen a woman in his life as his mother died in childbirth. The father understands that his son has become interested in women. He gives him money and the keys of the jeep and says:
“Drive to the town, have a couple of drinks and find yourself some nice lady.”
The boy drives to town, has couple of drinks and meets a nice girl. The girl goes to the bathroom to change the clothes and leaves the boy alone for a while. When she gets back she sees that the boy has pulled all the furniture to one side of the room and curled up the carpet.
“What have you done?” the girl exclaims. “What’s that for?”
“Well… I’ve never been with a woman before,” the boy says, blushing. “But if it is anything like with kangaroo, we are going to need a lot of space.”

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4 votes, 3.75 avg. rating (69% score)

Peking Duck

Wife calls her husband at the office:
“Darling, we are having guests this evening. I’m thinking of Peking Duck for the dinner — is it allright?”
“Of course, dear,” the husband says. “That’s an excellent idea.”
Five minutes later the wife calls again. There’s panic in her voice:
“The recipe in the cookbook is meant for four but there is going to be eight of us tonight… What am I going to do now?”
“Just double all the ingredients and it should be fine,” the husband suggests.
Five minutes late there comes another call from the wife — this time she is crying:
“I cannot do it! It says — take a duck. I took two. It says — 1 kg of apples. I took two. But then it says — the temperature in the oven should be 300 C. But maximum temperature of our oven is only 500 C…!!!”

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1 vote, 2.00 avg. rating (44% score)

Tatlong Bilanggo

Pinatawag ng hari ang tatlong bilanggo…Pedro , Pedring at Pedrito
Hari: Bibigyan q kyo ng pagkakataong makalaya sa isang kundisyon!!!

3 Bilanggo: Anu po yan mahal na hari…
Hari: Magdala kyo ng 2 klase ng prutas…
At naghanap ng prutas ang 3 bilanggo…
Unang dumating c Pedro…
Hari: ano ang dala mo pedro!!!
Pedro: May dala po aq dalandan at rambutan…
Hari: Cge mga kawal! Ipasok yan sa kanyang wet** at palayain na sya!!!
Dumating c Pedring…
Hari: anung dala mo Pedring!!!
Pedring: May dala po aq mansanas at atis…
Hari: cge mga kawal ipasok yan sa kanyang wet**!
Mangiyak-mangiyak c Pedring matapos maipasok ang mansanas… ng bigla itong tumawa….
Pedring” bwahahahahaha!!!
Hari: bakit ka tumatawa Pedring!!!
Pedring: kc po mahal na hari c Pedrito may dalang buko at langka!!!!

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1 vote, 2.00 avg. rating (44% score)

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