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While In The Playground With His Friend, Little Jo… – Little-Johnny Jokes


While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. “Did you get that for your birthday?” asked Little Johnny. “Nope.” replied Jimmy. “Well, did you get it for Christmas then?”. Again Jimmy says “Nope.” “You didn’t steal it, did you?” asks Little Johnny. “No,” said Jimmy. “I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they were ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.



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Whilst Driving My New Girlfriend Home I Said, “You… – Stupid Jokes


Whilst driving my new girlfriend home I said, “You know I really like you, why don’t we pop down a dark lane and make love in the back seat?”
“Sounds good to me!” she giggled. “But I don’t know what our mothers would ever say to it.”
“OK,” I said turning round, “Doreen, Mum, you don’t mind getting in the front for a while?”



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I Went To A Party Hosted By T Mobile Last Night – Computers-Technology Jokes


I went to a party hosted by T Mobile last night. I got really drunk and kept trying to change the tunes that the DJ was playing. Not only that, but I projectile vomited all over the dance floor and started a fight that turned into a saloon style brawl involving a number of people. Whilst that was going on I sloped off in need of the toilet, dropped my pants by the buffet and shat all over the carpet.
If they give me a bad reception I’m going to ruin theirs.



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My Five-Year Old Daughter Just Came Up To Me And S… – Wordplay Jokes


My five-year old daughter just came up to me and said “Daddy, I want to be a dolphin! Please, please, please make me into a pretty dolphin!”
So I sat her down and said, “Honey, I can’t do that. But I can give you the next best thing! Hugs and tickles!”
Then I hugged her tightly and gave her ten tickles.
She was not amused; None of her clothes fit her now that she’s a squid.



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