Author Archives: Bisaya_Ako

I Walked In After Smoking Half Ounce Of Weed To Fi… – Stupid Jokes

I walked in after smoking half ounce of weed to find my mum standing arms folded in the kitchen.
“Oh my god!” She shrieked, “i’ve read about this red eye in my drugs leaflet, you’ve been smoking drugs haven’t you?”
I had to think fast, “Don’t be silly mum I don’t do drugs,” I replied, “it’s pepper spray.”
Now she thinks I’m a rapist.

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Had A Great Day At The Beach With All The Family – Family Jokes

Had a great day at the beach with all the family. The kids buried their mother in the sand, we all had ice cream and rides on the donkeys and, at the end of the day we packed up and walked back to the car.
That’s when my daughter said “What about mum?”
I said “It’s ok, we’ll come back next weekend and see if we can find her.”

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I Met This Amazing Bloke Today – Professions Jokes

I met this amazing bloke today. It was spooky what he knew about me.
I wondered if he had ever thought about doing this for a living like Derren Brown.
I thought I would ask him after he had finished taking my fingerprints.

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I Was Driving My Hgv On A Motorway Slip Road And T… – Transport Jokes

I was driving my HGV on a motorway slip road and trying to beat the traffic lights on the roundabout at the end. Anyway I was going too fast as I got to the roundabout, I tried my best to correct it but to no avail. The whole wagon went over on it’s side.
Luckily no one was hurt and when the police finally arrived the young copper looked at my capsized truck and said “Well… Fallen over has it?”
I replied “No officer, it does it all the time, it just wants a belly rub.”.

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